One Year Older in the North
I scream and jump in my room after I talk with them. My roommates ask what happened.
“I just had a call with my friends, and I feel grateful and relieved,” I say.
She laughs, “What? You jumped because of that?”
I take note of this, to collect patterns that make my day better. They are my grounding circle, the people who remind me of who I am beyond myself. How nice it is to have a friend. As I look through my journal, I realize it’s not just friends, but also family, who anchor me back to gratitude.
There are moments when I look back, trying to draw a line and connect the red dots from past moments. After doing that flashback, I end up sending my gratitude to God, endlessly. These reflections often come when I am in solitude, listening to my own thoughts or to The Art of Loving album by Olivia Dean. In those quiet times, I can deeply connect with myself. I see alignment, like waves meeting the ocean, maybe not always clear, but I can feel it. It’s good, and it makes my day better when I am dating my own self. This silence quiets the noise and helps me reconnect with meaning.
Maybe God sent me this far so I could feel this way. To show me that His creation is grand and that the world is indeed wide, as He said in the Holy Quran:
Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ “Travel throughout the land and see how He originated the creation, then Allah will bring it into being one more time. Surely Allah is Most Capable of everything.” 29:20
Reading, traveling, attending conferences, sharing fun moments with close friends, moving my body through sport, yoga, or running, and exploring new bakeries in town, all remind me how wide and sweet this life can be.
Living in a place 180 degrees different from my tropical, familiar Asian culture also teaches me new ways of seeing. Stores close at 6 p.m., cafés at 3 p.m., buses follow weekend schedules. Issues like mental health, racism, and LGBTQ+ rights (rarely discussed back home) are openly spoken about here. Life feels more private yet personal; people don’t ask about my belief, religion, or relationship. They just live. “Being” itself matters most. Even social media becomes a space to read neighborhood updates and see what’s happening in the city, mostly.
Even food, spices taste different, “spicy” means sour, halal food is a minority, and grapes and oranges come seedless and always sweet. So I keep showering my body and soul with what God has shown me, right in front of me. Things I cannot control kept my curiosity to adapt and find the takeaway, like unlearning and/or learning to understand deeply in each context I have chosen to understand.
Another example is when an interaction happens. Multiple times, I recognize that the first thing I said is actually not something that I honestly wanted to say. Multiple times, I’ve reflected and asked, “Why did I say that?” or “There are a lot to say but why did I only say that?”. The next step is to tell that person about my revised response and let them know, if needed. I don’t know, being honest with myself feels relieving most of the time. Admitting my cluelessness somehow eases the weight of it.
Thus, I can conclude that the only task is to function this body and soul as best as I can, without ruining it. It’s quite a promise, but I’ll try to let this body keep performing. Because, again, I reflect to this verse from Holy Quran,
Did you then think that We had created you without purpose, and that you would never be returned to Us?” 23:115
Well, I think I called this one my annual reflection.
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